From floating in dreamy huts on stilts in Bora Bora to hiking the Himalayan range, bucket-list travel experiences can instill calm or stoke our sense of adventure and wonder. 

Anticipating such travel can certainly boost the spirits and drive motivation, as a 2020 study by the Institute for Applied Positive Research found: 82 percent of respondents said a booked trip makes them “moderately” or “significantly” happier, and 71 percent reported feeling greater levels of energy knowing they had a trip planned in the next six months. Anticipation generally has positive effects: Researchers have observed, using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), that brain areas associated with higher well-being were activated when participants anticipated positive events.

When expectations lead to regret 

However, high-stakes travel can create an issue if it accumulates experiences such that reality will never match the ideal. This can become a source of disappointment because the ideal version of the event rarely occurs, as Bence Nanay, Ph.D., writes in Psychology Today. Further, the stakes are so high that we may deceive ourselves into believing it unfolded just as we had planned, and self-deception ensues, according to Nanay.

“When we want something, we imagine having it as a magic moment when everything comes together. But this happens extremely rarely,” writes Nanay. “The experience rarely unfolds the way we had pictured it, and that forces us to pretend that the experience met our expectations when in fact, we feel regret.”

For traveler Yelena Ptashinskaya, who used to guide tours in Belarus, a dream trip to a glamorous ski resort in Whistler, Canada didn’t quite deliver because it rained all week. However, she and her travel buddies were good sports about it. “While we were disappointed being there, after the trip and many years later we laughed about it.”

Tempering expectations 

To reduce disappointment and better cope with the reality of the experience, Ian Cumming, founder of the online travel community Travel Massive, thinks of expectations in two ways: logistical and emotional. While it’s wise to research to prepare for logistical hiccups, he feels doing too much destination research in advance can lead to emotional letdown.

After watching YouTube videos of Argentinian steaks before his trip to Buenos Aires, Cumming says he was “salivating at the thought of eating one.” When he finally reached a steak restaurant during his trip, he was deeply disappointed. “The steak was certainly great (and above the standards of most places I’ve been), but since I had grown up in Australia and eaten grass-fed steaks my whole life, I just didn’t experience the kind of food euphoria I saw others having.”

On the flip side, since he had no expectations about the trip’s logistics, he had no trouble getting around despite the language barrier. 

To reduce traveler disappointment, African Travel Crew filmmaker and storyteller Neil Jansson says he underpromises and overdelivers to curate client experiences. “In my opinion, setting high expectations is the biggest mistake any agent can make,” he says. “I always tell my clients to pack their sense of adventure. But in saying that, I am in constant contact with every client while they travel and troubleshoot if necessary. I also make clear to all service providers I choose what is expected.” 

Jansson cites the example of clients visiting the Okavango Delta—a major and expensive bucket list item for many—which is experiencing its largest flood in decades. While it’s a spectacular phenomenon to behold, he admits that a number of activities that would normally be available are not.

“So we look for the positive,” he says, such as positioning the large flood as a spectacular and rare experience for clients to witness. 

What you can do 

Ditch the idea of bucket list

Every destination has something to offer, so stop placing high bets on just the dream locales. I wasn’t expecting much of Spokane, Wa., or Cleveland, Ohio, but the variety of Spokane’s outdoor spaces and family-friendly activities and the quality of Cleveland’s museums made me enjoy our visits there immensely. Destinations less sought after or researched have often pleasantly surprised me. 

Prepare for logistical setbacks

Inclement conditions, travel delays, lost luggage, or even illness from foreign bugs can put a damper on the vacation, so plan ahead as much as possible to mitigate the effects. Check the weather in advance, keep an extra change of clothes or layers in your hand piece, along with travel-sized toiletries and common medications in case you fall ill. Carry different forms of payment, as some vendors will not accept credit cards or certain currencies. Researching logistics can help reduce headaches later. 

Purchase travel insurance or make cancellable reservations 

Wise travelers hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Buy yourself some peace of mind by spending a little extra on insurance in case a health issue or emergency impedes your travel plans. Sites like Booking.com, Expedia.com, and others typically offer many lodging and car rental options that can be canceled just days before the trip. 

Build flexibility into the schedule 

If you leave some room in your itinerary to swap events or have free time, you’ll have a second chance to catch an experience you may have missed due to unforeseen circumstances (e.g., long lines, holiday closures, or inclement weather). 

Choose your own adventure 

Don’t be swayed solely by social media, guidebooks, or rankings that proselytize “ultimate” experiences. Their selection criteria may be different than yours, and it’s possible their lists are influenced by sponsorships. As a vegetarian who loves spicy food, I have found some of the most expensive or highly rated restaurants have not suited my tastes. Thus, while recommendations and ratings can provide a starting point, look for experiences that appeal to your preferences. 

Practice humility and gratitude even in the small things

During and after every trip, my husband and I identify highlights and lowlights—that is, the three best things about the vacation, and the three worst. This forces us to look for the silver lining even when a trip was underwhelming, while also accepting disappointing realities. We have found that sometimes an experience has been informative, though unpleasant, changing our perspective or making us appreciate what we have. For Cumming, who grew up in Australia eating grass-fed steak, his time in Argentina gave him a greater appreciation for his childhood. “If anything, I felt lucky to have grown up in a place with great produce,” he says.